Have you ever been penalised for being too nice? Too loving? Too generous? I have. And it hurts.

There’s something so very raw about being told that everything you’ve been offering in service to another has been too much for that person to bear because they can’t believe that they deserve to be the recipient of such kindness. It’s like that whole “oh, i’m sorry, you’re far too qualified for this job, it is beneath you”, when all you desperately want is to earn a living. The only difference here is that your pay-out would usually come in the form of friendship, love, satisfaction at having responded to your calling or having simply done a good turn to someone. At the really deep end, you get shafted by someone you love because they feel inadequate at trying to match your niceties. What a cop out.

A woman i met recently who suffers from multiple sclerosis was explaining to me that all she wants in life is to be part of a community. Part of a group of lovely and loving people who accept her for who she is and what she has to offer the world. This woman is a ball of sunshine – even when weeping because she had felt so alone – she is a genuinely kind person who just needed a friendly ear. She sent me an email saying that she felt so welcomed into my sphere, wishing so much to become a part of my community of spiritually connected and like-minded people, and that my “loveliness made loveliness sprout around” me! What a warm fuzzy that is from someone i’d only met three times.

How is it that one person can soak up all you are offering with gracious acceptance and another can throw it back at you beating their heads and pleading their unworthiness? Must we torture ourselves by not accepting help, love, friendship or kindness when we are offered it? Does that make it more honourable because we’ve decided to become virtue-martyrs?

A dear friend of mine once told me off for not accepting a compliment, which i am actually so thankful for because i now always remember what he said to me (and i’m paraphrasing here): if you can’t accept the compliment for yourself, then accept it as a God-given gift, on His behalf.  In light of that comment, i now make a point when someone is complimenting me to accept that genuine display of love and kindness as something real and valuable, because it sometimes takes courage to pass on a compliment or word of gratitude, and also because that person has just recognised something in me that is of value to them. I’m sure it would hurt their feelings if i threw that back at them saying “now that you’ve laid your soul bare in gratitude i’m going to disregard your comments and give them back because i’m so incredibly unworthy of your kindness”.

Instead, i’m now saying thank you, whether i believe i’m worthy or not.

So i guess my quandary tonight is this: what do you do when someone you care about puts you so far up on a pedestal that you don’t know how to get down? What do you do when you think you are doing all you can to show forth love and support to that friend and all they see is themselves, shrinking? Do you stop? Retreat? Start pelting them with hate mail?

And then, when someone desperately seeks a connection with you, seeks a sense of community, how do you discern between these two hearts? It’s a tricky road to travel…i guess connection and unity should always be the foundation. And maybe communication.

My point for my gratitude series today is that i have community, i have connections, i have a lot of support and a whole lot of love in my life. From friends, family, acquaintances and from total strangers. I am one lucky gal in that sense, even if i don’t know how to deal with pedestalitis (not a real word…yet).